Well here I am..the night before the surgery.
It hasn't even happened and I am already trying to forget lol.
The mind is such a funny thing, I learned so much over the last decade practicing/teaching and I know that the fluctuations of the mind are just that.
Fluctuations. They come and go, sometimes they linger, some make us happy, some make us cry, some we want to remember and some we are so ready to forget.
I've experienced a lot of fear, frustration and even thoughts of death this past week. It was like a roller coaster. So so afraid of the unknown. Knives cutting into me, stitches, blood guts, ugh!!
Along with that, trying to figure out where I went wrong, what could I have done differently in my life to prevent this?
What is the lesson being taught? What is it that I need to learn?
Regret isn't one of them that's for sure. It tried knocking on my door, but I dismissed it right away..there is no room for you here.
My mind wants to find regrets see, it looks for them. Maybe I should have stayed with that guy..or that other one..he definitely wanted babies. If I would have had a baby by now my uterus wouldn't be so upset lol. Yes..insane and embarrassing as this is to share, it's true. It is the mind and body of a 34 year old childless woman who's biological clock is ticking and the physical body is struggling to understand the mind. They have not yet synched up and several things will need to happen after tomorrow.
Mind and body must integrate: The female reproductive system is about creating, creation, birth, bringing something new into the world. Where creative energy is blocked, there could be blockages in the female physical form..if that energy is not being properly released.
(it is worth mentioning in case you don't know. Fibroids in particular are most common for women ages 27 who have not had children, there is certainly a demographic that is at a higher risk of being affected by this)
I've had more than enough time to reflect and analyze and of course, my situation is my personal situation, however, I have learned much along the way. I've learned from books written by doctors, stories told by women, family history from my mother, and many other channels.
Many things align, different philosophies and ways of seeing the human form. Dr. Susan Lark was the first author who really called me forth to think about creative energy being blocked. She was also the first one to help me see that endometriosis, uterine fibroids and ovarian cysts all seem to come together at some point or another. Not for all women, but for many. I happen to be one of those women who has/had all 3.
My doctor here in Las Vegas helped me see how doctors over the years had told me that strong periods were OK, and they're really not. It's a very common issue, particularly in such a male dominated field and also simply because unless you specialize in women's health, you really don't have the capacity to see all that factors that could be at play. Most doctors work under a process of elimination idea and today a friend told me she had her gallbladder removed before they discovered her endometriosis. She went through so much just to get a diagnose.
I feel really fortunate to have amazing doctors, a mother and father by my side. My brothers and their children. I feel supported, I know I'm supposed to be here.
I hope I heal and grow from this experience and help others in the end. Thank you for reading. I appreciate all of your support and love even from the distance. Namaste
Seasoned Yogini, Massage Therapist, Dancer, Lover and Animals, the divine feminine and so much more!! This blog contains my musings, stories of challenges, inspiration and the other things that make me human in this realm. NAMASTE